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Calls by name the leaves that aren't yet there

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robot sonnet [Aug. 29th, 2006|08:25 pm]
Calls by name the leaves that aren't yet there

sonnet_badly

[jackfirecat]
am i a crab? he taps his carapace
tries walking sideways, falls on Bolton.
am i a snake? with no undulant grace
crawls on his belly; makes the Ribble valley.
a horse? he gallops over Manchester
pauses in the newly-made rubble plain
essays a neigh. People scream in Leicester.
maybe not that then, I should look again.
in the bestiary the robot flails
this, this, or that, the resemblance is slight
mosquito, ant, lion, desmond, flightless rail
they all seem somehow to be not quite right.
well, then, after all, am i a poem?
the evidence is to the contrary, my son


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Comments:
[User Picture]From: juggzy
2006-08-29 07:59 pm (UTC)
You don't need the self effacement at the end. This is really good.

I've been thinking about listing underground stations as a sonnet. Kind of working on it. Give me a week before you do it instead.

You're really good at this.
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[User Picture]From: jackfirecat
2006-08-29 08:05 pm (UTC)
no no the last lines are the whole point -and I wanted it to be 'poet' but 'poem' fits better .. and ... *argh* *blows a gasket*
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[User Picture]From: jackfirecat
2006-08-29 08:08 pm (UTC)
mornington crescent

oohh sounds good. Needs other words in there too, bringing out he lyricism of the tube stations, But I shall not go there. Angel Islington.
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[User Picture]From: juggzy
2006-08-29 09:03 pm (UTC)
I already have

Kings Cross, The Angel, Islington, Old Street

Can't decide what the meter is. This is all about practising meter for me. My instinct is to fall into a four-foot every time.

Well then, after all, I can't be called poet
The evidence declares that I should be called robot
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